Cpt. Smurf

Wow, that really was good. Normally something like this wouldn't interest me, but I found it quite gripping. I didn't find the descriptions a problem at all, and although the ...

You just edited it, you say?? Maybe it didn't submit properly, 'cause it's exactly the same. If you're going to put stuff up for crits, please make sure that we ...

Hi! I thought this was an improvement on the previous version, you put across Sarabeth's feelings and emotions clearly and skilfully, much better than before. I don't know why, but ...

Well, I couldn't quite tell whether or not this is adapted from the Inheritance trilogy, and whether or not it takes place in that universe. There are some obvious similarities, ...

Firstly, I agree with the whole present tense thing. About the story, it was quite good, but i think you need to describe the setting a bit more, although not ...

I've never actually read Eragon, and i've heard it's just a copy of LOTR, but i assume that you're a big fan, so i will say no more!! (and what ...

There is no point whatsoever in me pointing out the spelling/grammar mistakes, as that has all been done. I will, however comment on the plot, or lack of it. Now, ...

Personally, i feel that prologues should be short and to the point, something to do with the character/event, but not directly using the character/event. I, personally, would not give a ...

I think this has good potential, but the whole thing needs editing. Firstly, you could try putting spaces between the paragraphs - it makes it so much easier to read. ...

I thought this was really good, and well thought out. My only real complaints are that i don't think you've captured Sirius or Remus in the way that they are ...

Overall, i thought this was good. There were a few things that were unnecessary, so i will review those. The dragon screeched and roared, fire mimicking its opposite forms flesh ...

Now, i do not usually like poetry. Some poems bring tears to my eyes out of boredom (ok, slight exaggeration, but you get the picture). This, however, i found quite ...

Hi! I thought you're story was good, despite the fact i'm not really into that sort of stuff. Wait for that moment between heartbeats, where everything is perfectly still, all ...

Hi! I thought the idea behind it was good, but you could have written it a bit better. Hopefully you'll be able to put your better version on! ‘Addie, Addie, ...

I hate Big Brother, yet I thought this was very good. I actually want to find out what happens while they're in the house! The dispute between the two women ...